I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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