A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dicks are not precious.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
