OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
