So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
