And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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