what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize