good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
