It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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