i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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