The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
