she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
