HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
