By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
