Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
being pregnant is like rehab
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
