and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
