your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
