they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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