I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
