I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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