I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
