Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
