we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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