Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
