I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
