dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize