just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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