I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
