party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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