Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
