Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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