Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how drunk are you?
Several
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
