i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
BRING THE BAGELS
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
