theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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