your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
