Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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