if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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