Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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