I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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