Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
