You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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