thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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