You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
