Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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