Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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