mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
