I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
