I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
