when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
