She is in my trunk
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
