You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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