doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
