You're completely useless in the revolution.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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