I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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