She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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