Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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