is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
