Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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