piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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