Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize