At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
