Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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