id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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