Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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