I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize