Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
