Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
