Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
