so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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