omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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