She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
