You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
