I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
