The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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