Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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