I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
