Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
