there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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