I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
