She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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