When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
