Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
