It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
