If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
