Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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