Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
