On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
