Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
