i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
