he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's the barista slut.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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