Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize