He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
