no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
